I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think my moral compass just broke
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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