Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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