I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
