I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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