im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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