you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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