Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
