We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
