id be glad to
I checked into jail on foursquare
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
