this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
