Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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