Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
