we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
