just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
