you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
