Ambien. No doubt about it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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