just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
