"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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