the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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