Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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