you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
