Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Farmville is her only friend.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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