Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
