did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
