btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
