There was a lot of him and a little penis
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
