I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
