every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
