Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
