One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
