i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
