For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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