the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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