My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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