Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
