people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
