I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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