so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
