I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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