It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
