if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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