Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
