Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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