She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
