once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
