This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
