Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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