What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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