Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
