Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
